My Breastfeeding Journey

In a couple of weeks Ezra will be a year old, this also means that in a couple of weeks I will have been Breastfeeding for 12 months, which was my original goal! It feels good to know that I have made it this far. This was just my own personal amount of time that I wanted to breastfeed for, and I know different people choose to do things differently and their circumstances are different,  in the end you have to choose whats right for you and your baby.

For me breastfeeding wasn't always easy. 

In fact in the early days, it was one of the most difficult and challenging experiences of my life.

So now that I am nearing my goal, and because it is World Breastfeeding Week I thought I would share My Breastfeeding Journey 

As soon as Ezra was born we did skin to skin, in our pre-natal classes we were told about how babies could latch on themselves (baby led attachment) during this time and that it was amazing. This didn't happen for us, my baby just made a lot of grunting noises and didn't seem too interested. There were still amazing benefits for us both to have the skin to skin time, but it wasn't like the videos they made us watch, and it wasn't like any movies! 

When we got back to the hospital room, Joel was swiftly sent home as it was nearing midnight and I was left alone, sore, tired and with a baby I really had no idea what to do with. The midwives came in every few hours to wake me (although I was mostly already awake, there was too much in my head to sleep) so I could feed him. But, I still couldn't get him to latch, I had to express so that he would get the much needed colostrum. Finally, on the second evening my new favourite midwife came along and boom she helped me to get him attached properly and off we went. I was able to finally relax. No one told me about the stress that unsuccessful breastfeeding causes. By the next afternoon I was keen to get out of there, my milk still hadn't come in, but after getting the once over and checking that he was feeding properly, off we went. I was so confident, I thought I had it sorted. 

When my milk came in it all changed, I had MAJOR engorgement issues and as a new breastfeeding Mum I didn't realise that this would make latching such a big problem (described to me beautifully as trying to bite the outside of a watermelon, its just not going to happen). Breastfeeding became terribly painful, I had sore and blistered nipples and every time I would hear my beautiful new baby wake up or cry for milk I would cringe. I dreaded the thought of feeding him. I started to pump a little milk out before every feed to make things easier, but because the damage had already been done I was still in a lot of pain. Every feed was excruciating.

After two weeks of crying and beating myself up I finally sucked it up and decided I needed help. I ended up visiting three different lactation consultants. We managed to get latching right and painless in our first two appointments, and we were sent on our merry way, once again full of confidence. I would try again at home only to be unable to duplicate it, and end up a blubbering mess again. I tried 'skin to skin' and baby-led attachment, only  to find myself laying in milk soaked sheets with a hungry and screaming baby. I watched so many 'how-to' you-tube videos,  I was absolutely consumed with breastfeeding, it was the only thing I could think about.  I didn't even want to go out because God forbid I would have to try twenty million times to get my baby to latch properly in public.

My last lactation consultant visit was when Ez was 5 weeks old, and although she was unable to help me breastfeed painlessly, she offered me some amazing words of encouragement.

 'Just hang in there, it will get better. When his mouth gets bigger it will be easier. You are doing a great job. This is a really common problem, we are booked out all the time helping Mums with breastfeeding problems, its going to be ok.'

Wow I needed to hear these words. Even though I was so determined to breastfeed I was thinking how much easier formula would be. She encouraged me just to keep using the nipple shield, which other lactation consultants made me feel guilty about, but HELLO I had to feed my baby somehow right. I went away from that visit with a clear head, I had positivity and determination again, I wasn't going to beat myself up anymore or feel like a failure as a Mother. 

On the advice of the consultant I also made a visit to my GP, who also informed me I had a fever, and suspected that the majority of the pain I was experiencing was due to the dreaded Mastitis (an infection). It had started due to the nipple damage. After a round of antibiotics, and allowing myself to heal using the shield, things began to change. 

Soon breastfeeding was a breeze, once we made sure Ezra was latched on correctly every time, I healed up and we got the hang of it,  it was the most relaxing time of my day. I would have cup of tea, flick on a DVD and put my feet up. I now kind of miss exclusive breastfeeding because I didn't have to worry about packing lunch with me when we went out, it was already packed and at the right temperature! It's awesome to think that my body could sustain my baby, and give him everything he needs, as a woman I think it is pretty empowering.

 Now we are down to two breastfeeds a day (morning and evening), gone are the days of tea cups, or tv or any other sort of distraction for that matter while feeding, even Joel gets sent out of the room. I have to sit in a quiet place or the little man decides to look around and display my boob to the world whilst milk is squirting everywhere. Lets not even get started on biting.  Soon we will be finishing, and it makes me a little sad. It is the only time my baby boy lies still in my arms anymore, I really do love it.

I hope I haven't terrified any soon-to-be Mums who are planning on breastfeeding! I hope that you have no issues. But, the reality is it isn't easy for many Mums, and I think it is so important in the early days when you are holding onto your tube of Lanisoh for dear life, to know that your not the only one. So many of us have been through the same things, you aren't a failure, there isn't anything wrong with you, it just takes time to figure out what your doing. It is a whole new thing!

  My advice would be if you are keen to Breastfeed, do some research, get clued in, talk to friends who have breastfed, have a support system, go to the Australian Breastfeeding Association website, and focus more on that than the colour walls for the nursery! 

Did you find your experience with Breastfeeding what you expected it to be?

Karen xx