Thursday, June 13, 2013

Their life seems so perfect

Have you ever had someone, or a few someones in your life that you think have such a perfect life? I often find myself (especially now with so much social media) looking at some of my friends 'glamourous' or 'rich' lives and being envious of what they have, wishing that I could have those things too. There are just those people, who seem to have everything. They have the great house, the perfect family, the exciting and adventurous life, the awesome job,  and here I am at home with a toddler, and almost a newborn struggling to get up the stairs, dried snot covering my jeans, and they are out tripping the life fantastic. They seem so confident, so put together, so in control and loving life. 
It is so easy to find yourself thinking your life is boring, and no where near as glamourous. It can then cause you to start doubting that what you have is enough, and you spend too much time pining for the things you can't have, and feeling a bit ripped off by life. 
And then. 
Well then, you get the opportunity to catch up with them again.
And then you really start talking. 
And you realise that things are not as they seem on the outside. 
Things are rarely as they seem on the outside. 
You realise that they aren't completely put together, that they still have the same insecurities and struggles as you do. 
They reveal to you that their marriage isn't as perfect as it seems, or someone they care for is battling a serious illness, or they are in credit card debt up to their eyeballs, or they are dealing with depression or a number of things that I never would of imagined they were going through. 
And again you start to see them as the real person that they are, and not the facade of a person that you see in photo's or status updates. The person that you care about and not the person that you are jealous of. You start feeling a little silly for wanting everything that they have, and not enjoying the things that you have, that funnily enough, often they are envious of. 
For me, it is something that I have to remind myself of often. It is so, so easy to look in from the outside and think someone has everything, when very rarely people actually do have everything. Sure, there are people who will be richer (a whole lot of people), who are prettier, who are smarter and who have more friends or who have a better social life than me. But, that doesn't mean that their lives are anywhere near perfect. Of course, it is ok and beneficial to want to improve things in your own life, but I have to remind myself that people often put on their best faces and you don't always know what is really going on, you hear about all the good, but not as often about the bad. When you do get those precious opportunities to have a deeper glimpse into what is really happening in their lives, to be there for people and to support them, you realise that nobody has EVERYTHING, and most of us have people or things that we are envious of. 
It is such a good lesson and reminder for me not to take the good things I have for granted, to not take everything on social media, or things you've heard through the grapevine for face value, and to remember the importance of being real and vulnerable with people. It is what makes real lasting friendships and a good supportive community. 


"The person you envy the most is certain to feel their life is incomplete in a hundred ways"
- Alain de Botton

Do you ever feel like this too? 
Karen xx 


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21 comments:

  1. I can totally relate to this post Karen, its so true, and such an easy trap to fall in to. Social media does a very good job of allowing people to only present one, nice, glossy side of their life and that is why maintaining a friendship offline is so important.

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  2. It's funny and a bit silly, the lies we perpetuate and that are perpetuated on social media. People rarely share the bad. I know I seem like 'one of those people' and I see many of 'those people' on my news feed. But we are all just people.

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  3. Yes! This is exactly why I started my "behind the scenes" link up on my blog - it's so easy to think the perfectly edited, Pinterest-perfect versions of our online selves are reality, but that's not the full story. It's also why I share hard things sometimes, because it's so important to me not pretend I'm "fine" - even online.

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  4. I don't even know if it's social media - we often just project it onto everyone. I have been taken by surprise by a number of friends splitting up. One friend said to me 'Oh, you just think everyone is happy' as if I lived in a deluded little world. Which is true, I do think most people I know are happy, but I sort of think I think that because that is how they seem. I don't know if I don't ask the right questions or if I presume if you aren't complaining then you are happy...?

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  5. I frequently remind myself that what we see on social media is just the "highlights" not the whole show ... that helps keep things n perspective ...

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  6. Social media is sometimes like gambling .... people only talk about their wins.

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  7. I used to feel like that a lot, but not so much these days. I just choose to not look at the differences between what they have and what I wish I had, but instead be blessed by what God has given me. It's not easy all the time, but gradually, I am finding it so much easier xx

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  8. Yes very recently. Catching up with a friend who has a different lifestyle to me made me feel like my life wasn't glamourous or somewhat a failure because my life wasn't where I thought it would be at my age. But I reminded myself to be thankful for what I have and been blessed with. And when those doubts start creeping back I talk to and surround myself with positive people for support and encouragement.

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  9. It is so easy, especially when you're cooped up with a little one, and pining for some glamour! Catching up with people in real life is just so much better!

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  10. So true Robyn, I'm sure I seem like 'one of those people' too, I mean who really wants to air their dirty laundry online, so we all just have to keep that in mind when we are watching the 'newsfeed'

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  11. Yep, I try to share the hard things too! Hopefully so people realise they are not alone. Thanks Crystal!

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  12. I agree Lydia, sometimes it is so hard even in real life to get past the surface level stuff and really know what is going on with people, we are so quick to say we are 'good' and carry on! I often presume the same as you!!

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  13. Yeah that is a good way of describing it! x

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  14. haha so, so true! Although you do get those who delve way too deep into their losses!

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  15. Fantastic post lovely! Social media can be such a great way to connect and find inspiration, but we sometimes forget that people are posting their 'highlights reel' moments while we might be wiping porridge off the floor! It can leave you feeling like your life should or could be more glamorous or fun. Em for Milla recently posted this quote 'Comparison is the thief of joy'... it sure is! http://emformilla.wordpress.com/2013/06/11/words-on-wednesday-28/
    A x x x

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  16. I did this a lot. But now when I find myself falling into it, I make myself look away and think of the things in my life which I cherish. It's a much better way to live - I feel so much happier for it! This is a great post. I've added it to Francesca's Festa of Favourites for June xx

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  17. I can totally relate to this! I have to remind myself A LOT that my life is beautiful and I'm very lucky, even with my struggles...
    xo,
    Katie
    hellolittlebean.com

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  18. Hi Karen,

    I've just discovered your blog. I feel like this ALL the time so it's nice to know a. I'm not a jealous freak and other people feel like this too and b. to be reminded that what we see is not the whole picture. Thanks for putting this out there.

    Katherine

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  19. Thanks Katherine! Oh so, so many of us are like this, you're definitely not alone! I always have to remind myself, it is so easy to fall into the trap!

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  20. That is a good strategy Fracesca! Thanks for adding it. It is always so much better to look at your haves than your have nots!

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  21. Yes, I love that quote! It is so true. Thanks Amy!

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